Now I Know Why?

Interview with a Fire Fighter

2009-12-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Many people . . . like Elvis Presley, Albert Einstein and Chuck Norris, were named before me. :P

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
05:30 in the evening, yeah that was the time then on my cellphone clock (Do you want GMT timings btw?).

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Not much, but I admire its flexibility. Sometimes when I write in English it looks like Tamil, and when I write in Hindi it looks like a pictographic script.

4. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Depends if I would be a person who would not like the person who I am now, then the person who I would be would not like to be friends with the person who I am now and vice versa, thereby leading to . . (phew) . .rest later.

5. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
I don’t like to offend people so I do not use it on people directly. For e.g. A question: “A kid boarded an Auto for the school in the morning at 08:30, if he goes through Bangalore traffic calculate his age upto 3 places of decimal when he reaches the office.”

6. HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS? (REALISTICALLY PLEASE)
Looks like a question from an MBA interview. A non conventional answer would be: In next couple of years, I want to have ‘atleast’ two girlfriends, a back up girl-friend and a Honda City, I know that’s lame but that’s what I want from the bottom of my heart.

7. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I’ve heard of a guy whose bungee rope gave up itself and he gave up his life as a result, so, maybe when I consider committing a suicide ...

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Kellogs chocos, without milk or with chilled milk, no sugar, and I am damn serious about it.

9. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Never, doing so would insult them, being tied is a mark of respect.

10. WOULD YOU MOVE AGAIN?
Yeah the next time I go to toilet.

11. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
About guys, their sense of humour, about girls . . . .yeah . . right . .yes.

12. RED OR PINK?
Indigo

13. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I have not yet self-actualized. (tough)

14. WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Pizzaz

15. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Just one person.

16. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
I am not wearing anything, . . . on my feet, and I am not wearing my pants either, . . . . I am wearing a jeans

17. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Traffic noise from the road nearby, some truck driver honking very badly, either his wife is expecting or he is expecting something due to the bad food he had in the afternoon.

18.WHAT ANNOYS YOU THE MOST?
People who think something else, say something else, and do something else, but do so with utmost dignity, valour, seriousness and a fake sense of assertiveness.

19. FAVORITE SMELL?
Chocolate and omelette, and perfumes some girls wear.

20. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Credit card lady.

21. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
She is the most different person I have ever met, I mean . . .I . . .therez a . .

22. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Gilli Danda by Sehwag, obviously cricket yaar, have some chips, have some coke (coca cola, dnt think anything else you dirty mind), have some tv channel showing some cricket where runs are being pelted.

23. HAIR COLOR?
Blackish Grey

24. EYE COLOR?
dark brown…with a tinge of green at places! Some people say my eyes are green in a sense, I think some of them said that, I think . .yes I am sure. . maybe.

25. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAJOR REGRETS?
I mean, what do you want me to say, regrets are major and minor? Like umm heart attacks, . . regrets are regrets or no regrets. Yes I have regrets.

26. FAVORITE FOOD?
This is the one HA HA . . .here you go: Cheese Burst Pizza, Rajma Chawal, Gobhi ke paranthe with home-made butter, Paranthe with shahi paneer, spicey sarson ka saag/ palak paneer with chapatti, dry gravy of small black channa with paranthas, shezwan noodles, veg cutlets with ketchup . . . I can go on u see.

27. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
None, honestly don’t restricted my dispositions like that, a movie gotta be REAL :P

28. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED, AND WITH WHOM?
Harry Potter and the last blood Prince, with a couple of friends on theatre, on TV Shawshank Redemption, partly with a friend, partly alone, on my Lappy, the downfall, alone.

29. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Dude I got such question before also . .such questions are supposed to be asked in dirty chats, aren’t they? Anyhow It’s kinda black, with some kinda white design on it and little kinda grey areas in there, some kinda greyish white kinda oddly sprinkled on the right kinda most corner, a whole medley of kinda colors in there . . .kinda . . . .kinda . . .

30. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winters, coz you don’t sweat, n I don’t hate stinkers, but I surely hate those who don’t know they are stinking.

31. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs and then kisses..! :-) (I go with that)

32. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To some erotic dance, probably or a striptease . . on a serious note, I respond to all non-fake actions of affection.

33. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To a nose which stays at an angle above the horizon, such level of haughtiness causes such ppl to get backaches too… and for me is a turn off.

34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
None, and in case you are interested, last one I read was deception point, and in case you are dying with interest, the last good text I read was an article in NYT by Suketu Mehta on Bhopal Gas Tragedy and aftermaths, was a good read.

35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I don’t use a mouse pad, the one which I threw away had Intel Inside on it, and I wondered how lame it is to have intel chips inside mouse pads

36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Sadhna satsang followed by FTV mid-night haute, followed by FTV people, which was damn boring so I switched to Neo Cricket where some guy was bullshitting and then I switched to Star Movies to find some crappy flick being played there . . .I thought “my TV needs a repair or I do”.

37.WHAT LITTLE THING MAKES YOU HAPPY?
(This one is serious) I like being in company of soft, jovial people, and extreme people who behave softly or jovially, I like to take pleasure in eating stuff I like, surfing websites I love to, writing stuff that others enjoy, making pals that might not last long in reality but surely in your memories.

38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Ive heard only a few songs of beatles and none of rollings so

39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Finland

40. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I have many, but its not important how special they are, but how I use them.

41. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Rashmi for now, but as I am writing this very text I realise she has already filled her answers, so why am I still answering this question, I don’t know, somebody stop my hands…gawd they are not stopping . .aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

42 HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Well I can tell you how I met her, but then I am not sure whether she is my spouse/significant other, so this question is kind of skewed in favour of dangling reality, a reality which if was a membrane it would have been full of holes, a reality if it was a cake it would be half burnt and half baked (eww), a reality if it was eyes of a man, they would be hyper-metropic, a reality if it was a run-out call, would be referred to a 3rd umpire . . .you got it, I think.

Quotes 1.1 - Hu Ha Wars - The Revenge of Myth

2006-12-03T02:05:00.000-08:00

Hu-ha India, Hu-ha India!

Seen that advertisments with Sourav Ganguly, no? never mind.

Dadaz commercial dialogues rocked the nation (with laughter offcourse). And then started a series of unfortunate comments, a lot of comments started pouring in regarding the sexiest of all, the one and only, please dont dare guess, the HU HA . . .

Hu-ha India, Hu-ha India, you will accept your dada's talk na?
-Dada (previously Sourav Ganguly/B.Tiger)

Hu-ha World-Peace, Hu-ha World-Peace. Will you accept your Uncle's talk na?
-George W. Bush (PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES)

Yes I will, Hu-ha World-Piece, Hu-ha World-Piece.
-Tony Blair on Hu-ha diplomacy

Hu-Ha agreement with US will not be renegotiated.

-Manmohan Uncle

50% Hu-ha shouts are reserved for reserved category people in all govt. owned hu-ha centres.
-Paarth (Arjun) Singh

Hu-ha and space and time are entangled. and hu-ha conversion is Hu = ha c^2
-Albert Einstein on theory of the hu-ha

Hu-ha par dekhiye hamara yeh vishesh karyakram "dada ki dincharya" aaj raat sadhe-nau baje, sirf aapke apne hi channel aaj tak par.
-Aaj Tak, Sabse Tez(TM)

See [smiles], we have no hu-ha training camps in Pok, we are very clean you know, we always use eureka forbes cleaners.
-Pervez Musharraf

Don se Hu-ha kehelwana mushil hi nahi namumkin hai.
-Shahrukh

Hu-ha kare toh aaj kar aaj kare so ab, kal ko goonga ho jayega, hu-ha karega kab?
-Kabirvaani

Desh ke tamam 'hu-ha' karne waale is baat ko achi tarah se jaan le ke hu-ha - the most wanted se bach pana ab unke bass ki baat nahi.
-Suhaib Illaysi (India's most wanted)

One hu and one ha in same office, contact us. Nobody understands your hu-ha better then we do.
-BlueStar Professionals (Air-conditioning)

Main dava karta hun ke aapka hu-ha 100% surak'shit' hai.
-Aamir khan (about pesticides in hu-ha)

Kya hu-ha hu-ha laga rakha hai, bhaiya hum hu-ha hu-ha kyon karte hain.
-Chashmish Guy

[Pushes chashmish's face into water] Dobara mat poochna.
-Paan waale bhaiya.

Disambiguous is truth, but truth has to be disambiguous.
-Some Moron

Quotes 1.0 - Mango Bite Metamorphosis

2006-10-18T02:01:00.000-07:00

Mango Bite - Parle Mango Bite

Mango Bite - Orangish, crimsonish, creamish, yellow colored candy in a green and yellow food grade plastic wrapper, claimed to be made of mango pulp, added mango flavours, permitted natural color, permitted emulsifiers, class-ii preservatives etc. etc.

“Mango ka maza asli yeh goli mango waali, mango bite - Parle mango bite.”

-Mango Bite Advertisment.

“Mangoes are bi-products of plants, they should not be eaten, processing of mango bites is a serious cruelty to mango tree.”

-Maneka Gandhi on cruelity to plant species.

“Mango Bite and space and time are entangled.”

-Einstein on Mango Bite.

“50% of Mango bites are reserved for reserved category people in every goverment owned shop in India”

-Arjun singh on Caste based reservations.

“Unfortunatly no one can be told what mango bite is, you have to eat it for yourself, its everywhere around you, even in this room.”

-Morpheus to Neo.

“You have already eaten the mango bite Neo, you have to understand why have you eaten it.”

-Oracle to Neo.

“We will make some 20-year plans to improve mango bite quality in India.”

-Manmohan Uncle

“There are no mango bite factories running in pakistan and PoK, its all wrong information, we are clean n clear as always.”

-Pervez Musharraf (General/President/Ruler/ . . etc. of pakistan)

“Parle-G possess mango bites of mass destruction (MBMDs), situation is getting worse, we shall ressurect it.”

-George W. Bush, PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES

Enjoyable Collisions

2006-02-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

An Enjoyable Collision

When she quoted this phrase, she rightly said that –
“In this cosmos you sometimes fall into states where the co-ordinates of certain dimensions are in such configuration, that your five senses don’t work and even your formidable, paranormal and clairvoyant sixth sense betrays you, conclusively your whole being is in shambles."
- Austere-gal

One of such states occurs to you when you undergo a "collision".

Collision (k -l zh n)
Def: Interaction of two bodies, which results in temporary or permanent changes in shape, size, position . . . . etc of interacting bodies.

My collision with "her" (her: a pretty girl traversing the market apathetically) took place strictly according to above definition of collision, step by step and it had its aftereffects, infact it can be quoted as a ‘multi-dimensional oblique collision’, but still there were certain anomalies during the process which I consider worthy of discussion. So here goes my story of that fateful day:

Once upon a time I was venturing through the market when this strange thing happened. There was a narrow lane full of people, lots and lots of people and guess what happened . . . . . . .I collided with her, unintentionally off course, I mean it was so crowded and the girl was pretty. Now this collision actually produced some changes in her position (she fell down as a result of impact), shape (during the impact), color (her face went red) and size(i am not sure about changes in size though), but all this showed that the impulsive forces were quite large.

But after this instant the before said anomaly which i was talking about begins! As she stood up and started scolding me, four enthusiastic guys (bodies foreign to the collision) who seemed like new breed of "so called" social-reformers entered the scene from nowhere. On the charge that I was trying to molest a girl in full market (and they missed that chance) those guys started producing aftereffects on me.
"Hero bun raha hai saale."
"Larki ko chherta hai beech bazaar."
"Maaro ssaale ko."

Now, scientifically speaking the bodies undergo changes in shape, size etc only ‘during’ the collision, but in my case even after the collision was well over and other body had left the scene ages ago, I was still getting these deformations from those guys. And when they had socially reformed me enough they went away admonishing against repeating that atrocity to females in future.
"Aaj chhor rahe hain tujhe."
"Sambhal ke rahiyo aage se."

Well the crux is that this encounter defiantly led to some temporary changes in shape and size of my body (and i helped my way to the doctor in the end) but I have no qualms about the whole incident.

Now one question for you all, agar aap denge jawab toh aap jeet sakte hain laakhon ke inaam (just kidding), have you ever heard of terms such as ‘enjoyable collisions’? This collision, (not considering its aftereffects) was quite enjoyable.

(Warning: Above description is purely a work of Fiction :P)

Red is the colour of her smell (II)

2005-08-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

Red

i move through the eden,
the roses and the gardens,
the breeze and the trinklets
of water from the fountain

chunni, a lal dupatta,
simple and sober and red,
onto my face it strikes
the force of wind in its breath,

and the fragnance-mixed of her
of her deodrent and her sweat,
gushes through my nostrils
hitting my brain instead

the red cloth sliding down and down my face,
an image revealed before my eyes,
her pale face, her reddish dress,
not to defy not to impress
her hands touching her shoulders
with her arms crossed in front,
and the shyness in her eyes asking
for nothing
nothing but the cloth
the cloth which is everything
which is everything for her,

i wished to stop for a moment
watching her beautiful eyes
her shy and afraid eyes,
but i pledged to run
and to return
the cloth to her
before the first tear
flows out of her fearful eyes.
and runs along her cheeks
her cheeks red and shy.
and make all flowers cry

so innocuous was the smile
the coy smile of relief
the streching of lips
on her blossoming face
as she draped herself with the cloth
the red cloth of faith,
and her childish gaze
that biting of the finger
as she blushes and runs away

her shyness begets my thought
her lal dupatta on my face
appeals to me a lot
something i can't learn,
somthing that can't be bought.

Red is the colour of her smell.

2005-06-16T01:22:00.000-07:00

Lal Dupatta

chunni, a red dupatta infact,
strikes right onto my face with the force and speed the wind imarted it,

and the usual mixed fragnance of her deodrent n sweat of her armpits,

gushing through my nostrils hitting my brain with the force and speed her body imparted it,

the red cloth sliding down my face i see her image before my eyes,pale face red dress,
arms crossed in front, her hands touching her shoulders
shyness in her eyes asking for the cloth which the girl calls her everything,

i wished to stop for a moment watching her beautiful shy,afraid eyes,
but i pledged to run
to her and to return the cloth
before the first tear runs flows out of her fearful eyes.
across her red cheeks.

so innocuous is the coy smile of relief on her face as she drapes herself with the red textile, and her childish gaze as she runs away blushing . . .

her lal dupatta on my face . . . .tells me
she is not as innocent as she appears to be.

welcome to the undertaker's mortuary

2005-04-18T05:32:00.000-07:00

Are you aware that you have finally arrived at the ultimate place , the plaza of death , but u can't , u can't come here alive , u have to die first, so please go n die , n then u r welcome to the undertaker's mortuary, to dracula's den, to the hellraiser inferno , names immaterial , have a nice time here, if u really are here.